Dreamscapes Read online

  He looked down at her, the scorn clear in his expression. ‘I’d be careful, Edith. One of these days your jealous tongue will get you into trouble. You of all people should remember you are only a servant here. You will obey orders or get out.’

  Edith bit her lip. She knew she’d gone too far, but his threat to sack her had come as a terrible blow. She glared up at him and, without another word, left the room.

  *

  Velda let Demetri settle her into the garden chair. It was pleasant out here in the fresh air away from the noise of the hotel and Demetri was very kind, but she wanted to be alone.

  ‘Are all the arrangements for Catriona’s party in progress?’ he asked, the rolling consonants and lilt of his accent deeply tuneful in the still air.

  ‘I suppose so,’ she replied as she stared out over the lawn. ‘I’ve done the dress, the rest is up to Edith and Mr Kane.’

  ‘I will leave you,’ he said, sketching a bow. ‘I have things to do now. Will you be all right here on your own?’

  She nodded, her thoughts distant, his presence almost immediately forgotten. A great weariness settled upon her and she closed her eyes. It was as if the world had tilted somehow and she’d been left suspended somewhere above it, out of reach of reality, lost in a haze of sorrow and confusion. The days dragged one into another until they blurred into nothing. She wanted Declan, needed him, yearned for his familiar touch and soothing voice. How she missed him.

  The tears seeped between her lids and rolled unheeded down her face. Demetri, for all his kindness, was not Declan. This preposterous hotel was a million miles from the painted wagon and the life they had led together. If only she had the money to return to Ireland, to home and family and the soft rain on the gentle hills. Yet she was trapped – at the mercy of Demetri’s charity.

  She blinked and dabbed at the tears with a handkerchief. If only she didn’t feel so exhausted all the time; it made her unable to think, to put things into perspective and take charge of her life again. Apart from the few hours she spent coaching Catriona, she felt as if she was drifting on a great tide, with no anchor and no port of call. Perhaps it had something to do with the drink Mr Kane gave her every evening before she went to bed? She shook her head. That was absurd. Mr Kane had told her it would help her sleep, but he’d assured her it would do no harm.

  Leaning back in the chair she gazed unseeing over the garden. Christmas had passed in a haze of lights and noise and endless parties in the ballroom. Not that she’d attended such things, she couldn’t face them. Now it was January and Catriona would soon be thirteen. She gave a great sigh. She didn’t understand her daughter any more. It was as if a great chasm had opened up between them, with no point of reference, no understanding or even a hint of the closeness they had once shared. She’d turned surly and rude and bad-tempered, and at the first hint of criticism would slam doors and behave in the most appalling manner. Catriona might be almost thirteen, but since coming here to the hotel she’d been behaving like a petulant five-year-old, and if only Velda had the strength and energy, she would have given her daughter a smacked behind.

  Velda closed her eyes, but deep in the back of her confused and weary thoughts she wondered if perhaps she was to blame for her daughter’s behaviour. She had tried to share her grief, but had found it impossible. Had tried to offer what solace she could, but had found her energy depleted by her own tears. How could a child understand what she was going through? Catriona was resilient, as all children were. She’d grow out of it, and it wasn’t as if she was alone. She had Demetri and Mr Kane to look after her. She sighed as the weariness fogged her mind. It was all too much to think about.

  *

  It was the eve of her birthday, and despite Kane’s increasing over-familiarity, and his almost blatant attempts to catch her alone so he could kiss and fondle her, Catriona was excited at the thought of her party. She had been in the kitchen to watch Cook ice her cake and put the finishing touches to the trays of canapés that would be handed out with the drinks before dinner. There were meats to be roasted and vegetables to prepare and the kitchen was a bustle of industry.

  Catriona had asked if Phoebe could join in the celebrations, but had met with refusal at every turn. Phoebe was a maid, she would be working that night. Catriona hated the thought of Phoebe missing out, and couldn’t understand why there had to be a distinction between them. It wasn’t fair. Yet her spirits didn’t remain low for long, and after supper that night, she hurried down to Demetri’s shed. He’d promised her a surprise, and she was longing to find out what it was.

  ‘For you,’ he said as he held out a velvet box. ‘I hope you like.’

  Catriona pressed the tiny catch and the lid flew open to reveal a necklace. The chain was finely wrought, and the golden circles that made up the pendant winked in the light of the lamp he’d lit on his desk. ‘It’s beautiful,’ she breathed.

  He lifted it from the box and let it dangle before her. ‘I make it,’ he said proudly as he showed her the interwoven rings of gold. ‘These are the circles of life, each band a different colour and type of gold. They represent our different worlds and the way our lives have come together as we travel on our separate journeys. I make one for me also,’ he said with a smile. ‘To remind me of the little one who is my friend.’

  She held up her hair so he could fasten it around her neck, and her fingers caressed the warm, glowing gold that rested over her heart. Throwing her arms around Demetri’s broad waist she gave him a hug. ‘It’s a beautiful present,’ she said against the barrel of his chest. ‘I will treasure it always.’

  He gently released her grip and held her away from him. ‘If I ever have another daughter,’ he said softly. ‘I would hope she is like you.’ He smiled and patted her shoulder with a sudden awkwardness. ‘It is time for you to be in your bed, Kitty. You have a birthday tomorrow.’

  Catriona smiled up at him. ‘My first grown-up party,’ she breathed. ‘Mam says I can have my hair up especially, and there’ll be dancing and everything.’

  He tipped back his leonine head and roared with laughter. ‘So young, and in such a hurry to grow up,’ he spluttered finally. ‘Kitty, Kitty,’ he said as he shook his head. ‘I hope you have a wonderful birthday.’

  There was something in his tone that made her study him more closely. ‘You are coming to my party, aren’t you?’ she demanded. ‘You promised.’

  ‘I know,’ he sighed, his hands deep in his voluminous pockets. ‘But I am not at ease in the company of such people. It is better, I think, that I stay here.’

  ‘You promised,’ she said stubbornly, her arms folded, the tears already threatening to spill. ‘It’s your hotel, you can do what you like.’

  ‘I like to stay here in my shed,’ he said firmly. ‘These people who stay in my hotel will not be easy with my rough ways. The party will be a success without me getting in the way, and you can come and tell me all about it afterwards.’

  The disappointment was sharp, but even as she protested, she had come to understand that unlike Kane, he didn’t enjoy the company of strangers. She fell silent, her thoughts churning. Demetri was her friend and there were things she wanted to say to him – secret things involving Kane that had been troubling her for some time. Yet, even as she opened her mouth to speak, she knew she didn’t have the courage to confide in him, to trust he would believe her. For if she did tell him, the consequences could destroy them all.

  ‘I’d really like you to come,’ she said softly, the pleading clear in her eyes, the underlying message pounding in her head so loudly she was certain he must hear it.

  ‘No more,’ he protested gently. ‘Go to the house. I will see you tomorrow.’

  Catriona stepped reluctantly out into the warm, sultry darkness. There were fireflies in the shrubs, and the saw of crickets came from the grass. The surrounding rainforest was dark and mysterious, and she could see the moon and the stars above the clearing. It was a magical night, but she was hardly touched by it as s
he looked down the broad expanse of lawn to the house. The lights were on in every window and she could hear the piano music drifting into the garden as the guests drank their cocktails in the bar and played cards in the sitting-room. She could imagine how it would be with no lights and no music, the empty rooms echoing in the silence. She shivered as if touched by icy fingers.

  She turned to wave to Demetri as he stood in the doorway of his workshop. The light was behind him, streaming from the bare bulb above his bench, throwing his face into shadows, reducing him to a solid silhouette. Something made her run back to him and plant a kiss on his stubbled cheek before she turned away and headed for the house. But the moment for confidences was over – she was on her own.

  ‘There you are,’ said Kane as she entered the side door into the entrance hall. ‘Where have you been? It’s past your bedtime.’

  ‘Out,’ she muttered, sidling past him as she headed for the staircase.

  His hand was firm on her bare arm as he stayed her escape. ‘You’ve been with Demetri again, haven’t you?’ he hissed. ‘What have you been up to down there in that shed of his?’

  She pulled away from him, rubbing her arm where the marks of his fingers still showed on her skin. ‘None of your business,’ she retorted.

  ‘It is my business,’ he said softly as he glanced at the drawing-room door. ‘And I don’t need to remind you that your mother and I have expressly forbidden you to spend so much time with him.’

  ‘Mam’s barely spoken to me for months,’ she countered. ‘And probably doesn’t care where the hell I am as long as it’s not in her way. It’s only you who makes the bloody rules around here – and we know why that is, don’t we?’

  ‘Mind your mouth,’ he snapped. ‘I won’t have you talk to me like that.’

  She began to edge away, her bravado suddenly deserting her. ‘I’ll talk to you in any way I please,’ she muttered. ‘You’re not my father.’

  ‘I’m the nearest thing you’ve got, and you’ll do as I tell you,’ he said crossly as he took a step towards her.

  She stepped back; the stairs were behind her. ‘Where’s Mam?’ she demanded.

  His eyes were very blue, his face cold, expression inscrutable. ‘She doesn’t want to be disturbed,’ he said. ‘She’s not at all well and the last thing she needs is you upsetting her.’ He took another step towards her, his face set, eyes hard and determined. ‘Velda is very sick, Catriona, her mind is fragile and the slightest upset could tip her over the edge.’

  Catriona looked up at him, unwilling to believe him, yet knowing he was probably right. Mam had changed in the last few months, and the difference in her was frightening. She was about to reply when a group of guests clattered into the hall and demanded Mr Kane’s attention. With a sigh of relief, Catriona raced up the stairs. He would be busy for hours yet, and regardless of how bad her mother was feeling, she needed to talk to her.

  The topmost landing was silent, the doors closed with no lights showing beneath them. Catriona tiptoed along to her mother’s room and listened at the door. There was no sound on the other side, so she carefully turned the handle and peeked in.

  Velda was lying in the bed staring at the ceiling, the glow of the moon falling across her weary face and illuminating her eyes. ‘What do you want, Catriona?’ Her voice was sharp with the edge of impatience as she pulled the covers more firnly over her shoulders. ‘I told Mr Kane I didn’t want to be disturbed.’

  Catriona shut the door behind her and approached the bed. ‘I just came in to say goodnight,’ she began.

  ‘So? Now you’ve said it, you can go.’

  ‘Why are you being like this, Mam? What have I done wrong?’ Catriona stood beside the bed, the tears once more filling her eyes, yet she was determined not to let them fall, determined to remain calm in the face of her mother’s hostility.

  Velda sighed and reached for the tumbler on the table beside the bed. Having taken a sip she replaced it and leaned against the pillows. ‘You’ve barely spoken to me for weeks,’ she said finally, her voice low, the petulant whine now all too familiar. ‘And when you do, you’re insolent and thoroughly unpleasant. Mr Kane and I are at our wits’ end to know what to do with you.’

  ‘Mr Kane should mind his own bloody business,’ snapped Catriona.

  ‘That’s exactly the sort of thing I’m talking about,’ sighed Velda. ‘How dare you use such language? Mr Kane is right. You should be kept apart from that Russian, if this is the sort of behaviour he encourages.’

  ‘This has nothing to do with Demetri,’ stormed Catriona. ‘Mr Kane is just poisoning you against him. Can’t you see that?’

  Velda’s eyes were fogged with weariness, her expression without emotion as she regarded Catriona. ‘I see a wilful child who has turned into a morose, bad-tempered, foul-mouthed young girl, and if the plans for your party weren’t already in place, I would cancel the whole thing. Go to your room, Catriona.’

  The tears were streaming down her face, the words coming out in a sob. ‘I don’t want to,’ she sobbed. ‘I don’t like it in there.’

  ‘Don’t be ridiculous,’ snapped Velda. ‘It’s a lovely room, you ungrateful girl.’

  Catriona thought of the nights Kane had come into her room and sat on her bed. Of the long, silent minutes that seemed to stretch into hours as he regarded her in silence before forcing her to kiss him on the mouth. ‘Can’t I stay with you tonight, Mam? Like when we were in the wagon? We could snuggle up and talk about the old times, and …’ She was pleading now, desperate for her mother to see beyond the words and the tears to the heart of her unhappiness.

  Velda remained untouched by this show of emotion. She slid back down the bed beneath the covers. ‘You’re far too old to be sharing my bed,’ she said. ‘And I need my sleep. It’s a busy day tomorrow as you very well know.’

  ‘Please, Mam,’ Catriona reached out a hand but it was ignored. She perched on the edge of the bed, making the mattress dip. Smearing back the tears from her face she made a concerted effort to remain calm. The time had come to tell her mother everything. ‘I’m sorry, Mam,’ she murmured. ‘I don’t mean to be rude and disobedient, really I don’t. But there’s things I …’

  ‘Enough, Catriona,’ snapped Velda, pushing her away. ‘You’ve apologised before and there’s been precious little change in your attitude. If your father was here he’d be breaking his heart.’

  ‘If my father was here he’d bloody well listen to me,’ yelled Catriona as she stood up.

  ‘Get out.’ Velda pointed at the door. ‘And don’t come back until you mend your ways. You’re not too big for a slap, my girl. Goodness knows you’ve been deserving one for months.’

  Catriona clenched her jaw as she strode back to the door and reached for the handle. ‘You’re a selfish bitch,’ she spat. ‘You’ve done bloody nothing but whinge and whine and carry on as if you’re the only one in mourning. You don’t care about me – just your bloody self.’ She took a breath, shocked at her own venom and the rough vocabulary that had come so easily to her tongue, but at least it had got a reaction from her mother for once. She turned the handle and stood in the doorway, her face suffused with rage as she noted her stunned expression. ‘Well, I hurt too. I’m lonely and scared and one of these days you’ll be sorry you didn’t listen to me.’ She slammed the door as hard as she could and ran down the hall to her room and slammed that door too. Flinging herself onto the bed she buried her face in the pillow and gave in to a storm of tears.

  *

  The next morning she awoke with a pounding headache and eyelids so puffed from tears she could barely see through them. Not wanting to traipse down the hall to the bathroom, she poured cold water from the jug into the bowl and washed, scrubbing herself clean with a flannel until her skin was red and tingling. Kane’s visits to her room, and the touch of his hands always made her feel dirty.

  As she dressed, she caught sight of herself in the small mirror, and she stared at her reflection noting how dee
ply all this was affecting her. It was there in her eyes, in the droop of her mouth and the pallor of her skin, but the damage was deeper than that, she acknowledged. It had touched her soul, darkening it into something that was slowly dying inside her. ‘How can Mam not see?’ she breathed. She stared at her reflection, but the answering silence was profound. She turned away and ran out of the room.

  ‘As there is a great deal to be done today, you can help by being useful for a change,’ said Edith as Catriona wandered into the kitchen.

  ‘Can’t I unwrap just one present?’ she asked, seeing the pile on the dresser.

  ‘Tonight,’ said Edith sternly, her tone brooking any argument. ‘Help the maids clear the dining room.’

  Catriona wanted to go and see Demetri, but Edith seemed deterrmined to keep her busy, and she spent the rest of the day at her beck and call, clearing rooms, helping with the food and the flowers and laying the tables.

  It was to be a grand affair, celebrating not only her birthday, but the end of the hotel’s first, and very successful season. The gardeners had brought in vines and flowers which had been interwoven with ribbon and laced all the way up through the spindles of the oak banisters. More greenery decorated the great marble fireplace in the hall, and long pale candles were set firmly in amongst the leaves. The dining room was to be lit by hundreds of candles, each table dressed in the finest linen, the silver cutlery and crystal glasses polished to perfection. Flowers were arranged on each table, and in great bouquets around the downstairs rooms. The scent of them filled the house and made Catriona’s head throb – all she really wanted to do was go into the garden to get some fresh air and see Demetri.

  Yet Edith still found jobs for her, and as the day wore on Catriona realised Demetri was keeping away from the chaos. Kane had also disappeared and that was strange, for usually he would have been barking orders and getting in everyone’s way. Velda was nowhere to be found. She wasn’t in her room or in Demetri’s apartments. It was a puzzle, but then Mam’s behaviour lately had been odd to say the least, and perhaps she had only gone into Cairns to have her hair done.